Good evening, children. After reading and taking notes on quite an interesting article in last month's GQ, I've decided to include some of the article's key points below in an attempt to further their use in our everyday vocabulary. The article did not explicitly say whether or not these words are real, so that probably means they're real. So let's just stick with that. Anyway, please enjoy this new addition to your verbal artillery and do feel free to approach me at any time with a witty use of the following words. Because if you don't, then someone else will. And then you'll probably feel like a jandruse. Enjoy.

Afforous - adj - used to describe someone who believes he or she can never have too much cologne on.
Anatholic - adj - used to describe a shower that is either too hot or too cold.
Boulandre - v - to sing a song automatically even though you deeply hate it.
Baylish - adj - used to describe someone who's not as hot as you remember.
Camelflex - v - to realize that one's legs are uncomfortably crossed.
Cascarne - v - to meet a hookup at a funeral. (this is half sleazy yet half smart)
Connolisation - v - to laugh at one's own joke. (i am very guilty of this)
Danoosh - n - sloppy oral sex, most commonly referred to oral sex that uses an overabundance of saliva.
Elurination - n - the act of using an unnecessarily heavy accent in a foreign language.
Empardle - v - to make too much noise while using the bathroom.
Frittle - v - to fart while asleep.
Grimgriddle - v - to insist that a very small size fits a very large person.
Humnum - n - a smell so bad that one can't help but smelling it.
Jandruse - n - a public erection.
Kamerakazi - n - a recognizeable professional caught on a sex webcam video.
Larble - v - to laugh into one's own drink.
Odonization - n - the belief that cheating while abroad does not count.
Priney - adv - third cocktail invincibility, ie - you're acting quite priney, joe.
Quilson - n - the indent made by socks that are too tight.
Relch - n - a worryingly moist burp.
Robelm - v - to change from the familiar form of a language to the formal form in order to display one's dislike for another.
Schvelge - v - to retrieve one's cellular phone from a bathroom stall.
Shorbage - n - the distance between one's sock and one's pant leg.
Smadgen - n - just a touch of man-makeup.
Starvle - n - an eyebrow raise which signifies "are you leaving?"
Twandle - v - to urinate directly after ejaculation.
Ugload - v - to turn away from a nasty sight.
Weelebrity - n - a celebrity that is surprisingly small in person.
Xytantic - adj - used to describe someone whose waist size exceeds their chest size.

Some possible uses include but are not limited to:

- Can you believe how afforous Jim is today? He must think that acting all priney at the bar and not showering are a good combination before a staff meeting. Ugh!

- So last night, I was just finished schvelging when all of a sudden I saw Larry close the stall door next to me and he started to empardle like it was the end of the world!

- Poor Hal Sparks really needs to fix shorten his shorbage, especially since he's a weelebrity. That's like two strikes against him.

- Just when the boss got to the punch-line, I was feeling so over-zealous that I larbled all over my shirt and cheek and totally ruined my smadgen in the process.

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